Resident Evil The Unseen Side
by Moose Goddess
Summary: The title says it all really, it is ludicrous and extremely random and to give you an insighti into this bizzare story, Wesker is God, Chris thinks he is a three year old kid, Jill is a typical tart, Barry thinks he is Mr T, Brad acts like a headless chic


Resident Evil.the unseen side of it all!  
  
Disclaimer: Vesperal Salutations to all you Resident Evil fans who is unfortunately reading this pointless fan fiction that I am writing in a freezing cold room near the morn of dawn! Resident Evil does not belong to me! But if it did I would definitely make it like this! By the way, if you guys can't take a joke I advise you not to read further more because I DO like Resident Evil but this cold weather is pissing me off and put me in a random state of thought so please enjoy my first RE fanfic!  
  
Chapter One: The Meeting Room.  
  
(Notes this is based from the first Resident Evil)  
  
The sudden outbreak of the T-virus was spreading rapidly and ever closer to Raccoon City, already strange incidents have been developing from the outskirts and there was no doubt in anybodies mind that the pharmaceutical company "Umbrella" was behind this all.  
  
Albert Wesker and all of the Raccoon City Police Department had gathered earlier to collaborate a group suitable enough to perform a search in the forest. They were known as "The fellowship of the STARS member" whom included, Albert Wesker himself, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Barry Burton, Brad Vickers and Joseph Frost.  
  
Now as the team was chosen, they all met up at "The meeting room" to discuss their plans and participation towards infiltration methods however it did not go as planned..  
  
*Albert Wesker places a load of blue prints out on the table* Right team, I am your captain Albert Wesker and YOU WILL OBEY me like a God because I AM YOUR GOD, so if I tell Barry to shut up I mean for him to shut up! If I tell Chris to piss off I mean for him to piss off! If I tell Jill to strip! I mean for her to Strip!....  
  
*Jill* What?!?  
  
*Albert Wesker continues his rampage* If I tell Brad to act like a chicken and run around in insane circles! I bloody well meant it!  
  
*Brad* That's fine by me sir! *He salutes Wesker and without further ado, Brad stands up and does the funky chicken and bobs his head up and down whilst running in monotonous circles* BUCK BUCK BUUCCCKKKAAAAKK!!!!!!!  
  
*Albert Wesker* All righty then! Let's get started!  
  
*Wesker opens up one of the blue prints which had the big title HOW TO DISPOSE OF ALL THE STARS MEMBERS MWAHAHAHAHAHA!* Hehehehehe uuuhh yeah well I got bored you see and so I decided to draw _ Honestly!  
  
*Chris peers over Wesker's shoulder with a face of shocked expression, he points to the stickman which represented himself* Is.is that me?!  
  
*Wesker perks a brow in mock surprise* Why yes..it's a brilliant masterpiece don't you think?  
  
*Chris* MY GOD..... THIS IS AMAZING! THIS STICKMAN ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE ME! WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER BECOME AN ARTIST!!  
  
*Wesker who takes advantage of this moment starts to improvise* Well you know I was thinking about it but my heart and soul was into..saving the world!  
  
*Chris places a hand on Weskers shoulder much to his disgust and looks him in the eye* I am so proud of you soldier! I salute you with my heart and I grovel at your feet with my soul! *Chris starts kissing Weskers black boots*  
  
*Wesker* HEY HEY HEY NO DRIBBLING ON THE BOOTS! I only waxed them an hour ago!  
  
*Chris stands up and regains posture, continuing to look at the blueprint of stickmen* But seriously..you made Jill's tits look humongous here! Check it out guys!  
  
*Jill*...WHAT?!  
  
*All the guys in the team lure over the blueprint and drool*  
  
*Barry* Damn that stick figure drawing of yours is more attractive than Jill herself!  
  
*Jill*...WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!  
  
*Joseph* I can't seem to tell the difference and there is only one way to find out..  
  
*Joseph approaches Jill, takes her hand as he goes down on one knee and looks her in the eye* Jill...all this time.......I have suppressed my emotions but now I have come to terms!  
  
*Jill* Oh YES YES YES I WILL JOSEPH I REALLY WILL!  
  
*Joseph* Really?! For sure!  
  
*Jill* Without a doubt *She wipes a tear away from her eye*  
  
*Joseph stands up and grins* Okay baby then strip!!!!  
  
*All the guys* STRIP STRIP STRIP!!!!  
  
*Jill*....You..you weren't proposing for marriage?  
  
*Joseph* My god you women are all the same! Thinking as soon as a man goes on his knees he will take your hand in marriage! Well sorry missy! I was proposing for a strip ceremony!  
  
*Jill* I..I....I...I.....Oh what the hell *Faints*  
  
*Wesker peers down at Jill* Okay we'll just leave her there and let's carry on with the agenda. Everyone return to your seats.  
  
*All of then except Jill and Brad who is still running around in insane circles return to their seats*  
  
*Wesker* Okay it has been said that once a living being is infected by the T-virus they become mindless within hours.their bodies become putrid the smell will become unbearable.. And they will stop at nothing...so any ideas?  
  
*Chris raises his hand up* OOO OO OOO OO OOO Pick me pick me!!!!!!!!! *He overstretches the arm and waves it about*  
  
*Wesker rolls his eyes and mutters a few things to himself and replies to Chris' childish actions through gritted teeth* Yes Christopher...you may speak.  
  
*Chris stands up and clears his throat* Well to solve the mindless part of the equation we have to teach these naughty children the alphabet, on top of that they are smelly so we give them a bath and if they don't resist that...we'll make them watch the teletubbies.  
  
*Everyone except Jill, Brad and Chris* ..................  
  
*Barry* What the hell kind of bullshit did you just say?!  
  
*Chris places a hand to Barry's face and replies in a girlish voice* Talk to the hand! You should have been listening once! But noooooo Mr Barry Burton wasn't listening to me! So tough luck girlfriend!  
  
*Barry* Okay...I'm cool..I'm calm... *He stands up and punches Chris square in the face before piledriving him into a table and finishing off with the peoples elbow* I PITY THE FOO WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME AND NEVER WASHES HIS HAND AFTER HE GOES TO THE TOILET!  
  
*Wesker* Oh okay this is going great...we've got two people knocked out...one of them has gone clearly insane which leaves three members left and..WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE MISSION! So where are we going to find some more recruits?!  
  
*From a faint distant you could hear some gruff singing of *twinkle twinkle little star*, in addition to stomping footsteps, making its way ever closer to the meeting room.  
  
*Joseph*...The hell is that...  
  
*Wesker* Prepare yourself guys..this might be our first and most likely our last encounter on the face of the earth!  
  
*Just on cue, the nemesis crashes through the door, however he was dressed as a Star and twirling around in little circles* I'M A PREEEWWWTTTIII LITTLE STTAAAARR (Clearly all the STARS repetition in RE3 got to his head, he went to the asylum but escaped)  
  
*Joseph* Would this be a good time to scream?  
  
*Barry* Affirmative  
  
*All three of them* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
*Brad* BUCK BUCK BUCK BUUCCCCKK!  
  
*What will happen to the three remaining STARS members? Will Brad ever snap out of being a chicken? Will Jill and Chris be able to wake up in time? And why the hell is the nemesis dressed as a star?! Find out in chapter 2 coming soon!*  
  
Like I said...I am a very strange person with a very imaginative mind...But I do hope you've had a good fair laughs so please review nicely. 


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